Full text of DOI:10.1177/095169280201400108

Journal of Theoretical Politics 14(1): 129±134
0951±6928[2002/01]14:1; 129±134; 020394
Copyright & 2002 Sage Publications
London, Thousand Oaks, CA and New Delhi
THE SCHARTZ±METTERCLUME METHOD
Dagobert D. Manteltasche and Otto I.Q. Besser-Wisser
ABSTRACT
This article describes a parsimonious statistical method for deducing every-
thing that can be known about the unknown by analysing anything that
happens to be known about the known. Schartz Metterclume (SM) is a
revolutionary new breakthrough in the social sciences that builds upon the
synergies of higher mathematics, discourse analysis, rational choice and neo-
postdistanciationalist theory. Exhaustive testing of the method shows that it
unfailingly produces correct estimates of the causal effects of unknown
variables. Indeed the less that is known about the phenomenon under investi-
gation in the ®rst place, the more precise and robust the statistical results of
SM are.
ABSTRACT OF THE ABSTRACT
A brief layman's account of a parsimonious statistical method of deducing
everything that can be known about the unknown by analysing anything
that happens to be known about the known.
SUMMARY
SM ˆ BS2
KEY WORDS . BS . omniscience . rice pudding . Schartz±Metterclume
Introduction
This article is a short, layman's account of what is quite probably the most
brilliant breakthrough in social science methodology since Pearson invented
the correlation coef®cient in 1888. Known as the Schartz±Metterclume
Method (SM) it is a highly effective but parsimonious statistical method of
deducing everything that can be known about the unknown by analysing
anything that happens to be known about the known (Carlotta, 1995). For
a critical appraisal of SM, see Quabarl (1996). That is, SM analyses whatever
Sadly, Otto I.Q. Besser-Wisser passed away shortly after ®nishing this article. For an appre-
ciation of the great man, and the great intellectual debt we all owe him, see Manteltasche (1999).
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JOURNAL OF THEORETICAL POLITICS 14(1)
data are readily to hand and uses it as the foundation for a method that
uncovers causal relationships among variables about which nothing is
known. The great beauty of the method is that the less that is known, the
more powerful SM is and the more precise and robust the statistical results
it produces. It is not necessary even to have particularly reliable factual infor-
mation to start with, although it is true that wholly inaccurate information
presents some tricky statistical problems for the method.
Given its remarkable capacities, it can be con®dently predicted that within
a few years the great majority of leading political scientists will have aban-
doned their current theories, methods and approaches in favour of SM.
Indeed, by using the SM method itself we can predict with absolute certainty
that within the next ten years all leading political scientists will have aban-
doned all other theories and methods in favour of SM.
It should be noted that the method is based on the most advanced statistics
and mathematics; and that it draws upon the synergies of rational choice,
discourse analysis and neo-postdistanciationalist theory to provide its epi-
stemological and ontological foundations.1 Consequently, it takes excep-
tional intellectual ability and many years of advanced training to be able
to understand the logic of the method and many years of experience to use
it satisfactorily. This article is merely a taster to prepare you for your
future.
Background
Information about the world is sometimes incomplete. For example, most
data sets are inadequate: they lack crucial variables; miss a battery of vital
questions; cover the wrong years; are not compatible with each other; are
cross-sectional not time-series, or time-series not cross-sectional; not re®ned
enough; have large amounts of missing data; are based upon samples that are
too small or poor to sustain any generalizations; suffer from interviewer bias,
bad questionnaire wording, or question-order contamination; ask the wrong
questions; aggregate data in the wrong way; were never pilot-tested properly;
are poorly coded; classify and categorize incorrectly; were not adequately
cleaned; or have incomprehensible code-books, if they have codebooks at
all. Probably the single most important complaint of social scientists is
that information is inadequate for the task in hand. This is a source of
agony to all empirical researchers. SM is specially designed to satisfy their
every desire.
1. For a useful account of neo-postdistanciationalist theory see Clavicle and Pattella (1995).
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MANTELTASCHE & BESSER-WISSER: SCHARTZ±METTERCLUME METHOD 131
The Method in Outline
At the start, SM requires only one bit of information about one variable at a
single point in time ± known as a Data Singularity (DS). More information
makes the job easier (while making the results less precise and reliable), but
one piece of information is entirely suf®cient. The DS is ®rst subjected to
dodecaphonic log±log±linear orthogonal factor analysis (DLLOFA) to
establish its deep sedimented structure. This process is repeated on the deep
sedimented structure, but in the reverse order, to establish the second, even
deeper tessellated, fractal structure of the ®rst layer of the deep sedimented
structure. Only in this way can we probe beyond the super®cial and apparent
nature of the world to get to its real, underlying core. Then, by means of
many trillions of binary-digital permutations a Complete Known Data
Matrix (CKDM) is calculated ± that is, a complete data matrix of all
known information about a given phenomenon at any point in time.
From this simple and straightforward procedure it is only a short step to
create a matrix for the Coef®cient of Relations for all Known Variables
(CRKV), which maps the causal relations between all known data at all
points in time. So far the method uses conventional statistical techniques
to understand the known world, but the real challenge, of course, is how
to extrapolate from the CRKV to an exact and precise calculation of the
Coef®cient of In¯uence of the Unknown Variables (CIUV).2
There are several steps in this process:
.
First, all exogenous variables are endogenized, and all endogenous vari-
ables exogenized. Though easier said than done, this transformation
works by a series of logico-inductive and empirical-deductive steps that
triangulate on what is termed the Coef®cient of Potential of Unknown
Variables (CPUV). That is to say, knowing everything about the DS
and hence everything about the Complete Known Data Matrix and
the Coef®cient of Relations for all Known Variables, it is possible to
2. We are happy to acknowledge a great debt to Sokal (1996) whose brilliant exegesis of trans-
formative hermeneutics prompted a breakthrough in our own thinking about the conceptualiza-
tion and measurement of the unknown. At the same time, however, we disagree entirely with his
account of Derrida's discussion of non-linear space±time diffeomorphisms. For reasons that will
be obvious to the intelligent reader by the end of this article, the crucial feature of Newton's G is
not its variance (as Sokal seems to suggest) but the invariance of the variance around its variance.
At the risk of pointing out the obvious, the same is not true of Einsteinian theory, where variance
around the invariance of the variance approximates in®nity. If this were not the case, then
obviously Shartz±Metterclume could, in principle, merely approximate measurement of the
unknown, rather than producing exact and precise measurement. In all modesty, however, we
can only claim to have developed Shartz±Metterclume to a Newtonian level of approximation:
the ®eld awaits its Einstein.
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JOURNAL OF THEORETICAL POLITICS 14(1)
parameterize a Complete Unknown Data Matrix (CUDM). It helps in
this process to ignore all non-linear relationships.
.
Useful though this is, it does not get us far in the determination of the
causal matrix of all unknown variables. To move from the CPUV to
the CIUV is the crucial step, and this is where the main power, originality,
and sheer aesthetic beauty of SM lies. There are two important statistical
processes:
1. The ratio of explained to unexplained variance for each pair of known
and unknown variables is estimated, using the conventional iterations
of stochastic algebraic geometry.
2. Each of the resulting statistics is individually standardized by using the
Schartz±Metterclume Normalization Procedure (SMNP)2. This is the
social science equivalent of Einstein's Cosmological Constant, so it
cannot be subject to any criticism from mere political scientists,
although some have tried unsuccessfully (see the discussion between
Wuf¯e [1992, 1993] and Clavicle and Patella [1995]).3
.
.
By standardizing the ratio of explained to unexplained variance by using
the SMNP, and summing the resulting statistics, it is possible to calculate
the exact contribution of the Complete Known Data Matrix to the
explained variance. It follows logically that it is possible to calculate
the exact contribution of the Coef®cient of Potential of all Unknown
Variables (CPUV) to the unexplained variance.
Last, by subjecting the complete matrix of the CPUV to analogue non-
parametric infraction (not analogue parametric infraction, as some
might assume) at very high temperatures it is possible to extract the
essence of the problem ± that is the CIUV.
For the technically minded the SM formula can be presented thus:
3. As Clavicle and Patella (1995) observe Wuf¯e's work cannot always be taken seriously,
given that he has admitted to driving a Toyota Corolla.
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MANTELTASCHE & BESSER-WISSER: SCHARTZ±METTERCLUME METHOD 133
For the most advanced mathematicians this may be reduced to
SM ˆ BS2
Some political scientists trapped in pre-postmodern and linear modes of
thinking, and unskilled in advanced rational-choice, discourse analysis,
neo-postdistanciationalist theory, and statistical methods have frankly
doubted the capacity of SM to move from a small amount of known infor-
mation to the vast world of the totally unknown (however, see, Abramson
[1997] for a qualitative approach similar in many respects to SM). It is, of
course, perfectly understandable that members of the older generation
should want to stick to the straight and narrow-minded. Nevertheless, they
must acknowledge that the SM method has been subject to the most rigorous
and exhaustive analysis. Indeed, it has been tried and tested against the best
of the exciting range of new approaches to political science currently being
developed in the laboratories of the Central Institute for Questions and
Answers ± including mess and simple survey research, focused gropes,
astro-illogical studies, double-bind experiments, qualitative guesswork,
scuzzy-set analysis, bald assertion, post-hoc theorizing, self-contented
analysis, fashionable choice theory, algorithms and reggae rhythms, multi-
dimensional failing, macro-dynamic contingency modelling, and Wuf¯e's
post-rational analysis. Even New Labour and Genetically Modi®ed Foods
(to say nothing of British Nuclear Fools) have not tested their products as
thoroughly. We are pleased to report that on every occasion it has been
tested, SM has produced better results than any of these new approaches,
even on Monday mornings before the ®rst cup of coffee and on wet Friday
afternoons.
REFERENCES
Abramson, P.R. (1997) `Probing Well Beyond the Bounds of Conventional Wisdom', American
Journal of Political Science 41(2): 675±82.
Carlotta, L. (1995) `Schartz±Metterclume, or Why the Unknown Is Not Unknowable', Journal
of Dogmatic Ontology (August): 2014±683.
Clavicle, H.Q III and H.G.W.J.G.C. Patella (1995) `The Political Economy of the Automobile ±
Transient Physical Neo-Postdistanciationalism', Journal of Theoretical Politics 7(1): 101±4.
Manteltasche, D.D. (1999) `Otto I. Q. Besser-Wisser; An Appreciation of the Pioneer of Post-
Distanciationalist Politometrics', Political Science and Politics (December): 730±1.
Quabarl, M. (1996) `Jumping Over Your Own Shadow in the Dark', Journal of Phlogiston
Sciences 6: 34±41.
Sokal, A. (1996) `Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of
Quantum Gravity', Social Text (Spring/Summer): 217±52.
Wuf¯e, A. (1984) `Should You Brush Your Teeth on November 6 1984? A Rational Choice
Perspective', Political Science and Politics (September): 577±81.
Wuf¯e, A. (1993) `The Political Economy of the Automobile ± Four Approaches', Journal of
Theoretical Politics 5(3): 409±12.
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JOURNAL OF THEORETICAL POLITICS 14(1)
OTTO BESSER-WISSER (1906±1999) was Med Bit Sokker Distinguished
Professor at the Central Institute for Questions and Answers. As the pioneer
of neo-postdistanciationalist politometrics he was probably the most in¯uen-
tial political scientist of the 20th century. An appreciation of him and his
work appears in the December 1999 issue of Political Science and Politics,
the newsletter of the APSA.
DAGOBERT MANTELTASCHE has made valuable contributions to both
neo-postdistanciationalist and post-neodistanciationalist theory. His most
recent work is The History of the Rice Pudding 1832±1838 published in four
volumes by The Last Resort Press. ADDRESS: The Central Institute for
Questions and Answers, University of the Arctic Circle.
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